There is a thing that happens to me if I live too long with my guard up. My defenses, once meant to protect and keep me safe, become weapons. The armor around me, no long necessary because the threat has passed, becomes brittle and sharp.
I become brittle and sharp.
Vulnerability becomes just a good idea- not a way of being.
Which is exactly how I found myself in a kitchen once, defenses up and ready to fight an imaginary threat: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!” I yelled. Eyes wild. One would have thought I had just been assaulted.